Words and Music © 2007 by Tom Smith

Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike License

Your kid can get salmonella from his new pet turtle,

Buckle your seat belt or through the windshield you will hurtle,

You can choke on anything not bigger than your head,

Everything is dangerous, so how come you’re not dead?

You might poke your eye out with any given toy,

You might die from allergies to peanuts, wheat, or soy,

All these deadly circumstances we cannot improve,

Everything is dangerous, so please try not to move.

Terrorists are everywhere, in every school and mall,

And it might be better if you don’t touch cheese at all.

All the other drivers are insane and they’ve got guns,

Don’t pick up hitchhikers, even if they’re dressed as nuns,

Your date has GHB, he hopes tomorrow you’ll forget him,

Everything is dangerous, so go ahead and wet ‘em.

Dihydrogen monoxide will surely spell your doom,

It might just be easier if you don’t leave the room.

Make sure that your sunscreen is at least SPF 30,

Don’t eat food in restaurants, the chef’s hands might be dirty,

Gay men want your body and they can’t control their urges,

Monks have secret messages they’re chanting in their dirges.

Magnetic waves from in your cell phone just might fry your brain,

There’s a flying spaghetti monster in your beef chow mein,

Paris Hilton might explode, I saw it on Fox News,

Everything is dangerous, including Starburst chews.

Keep yourself hydrated or you’ll pass out from the heat,

Watch out for a wormhole openin’ up beneath your feet,

Motorcyclists with tattoos just got out of the joint,

Homeless people have diseases, so don’t stare and point.

From the moment that you’re born until the day you die,

Everything might kill you, and a lot of things will try,

So you’ve got two choices, and they’re easy to compare,

Everything is dangerous, or everything’s just there.

Everything is dangerous, so suck it up, mon frere.

I just knew it… can I say “I told you so…”???

Our illustrious Congress Critters and Present OB seem to have found this out the hard way. And, no, it doesn’t have to do with the Healthcare  Reform Fiasco.

Present OB  signed a bill into law Wednesday that would require passengers who carry firearms aboard AMTRAK be locked in boxes for their journey. It seems there was a **ahem** typo (or something) between the version of the bill that was passed and the bill that made it’s way to the Present’s desk.

Earlier this week, Congress sent the president a massive spending bill that funded dozens of federal departments. In the transportation section of the legislation are safety requirements for AMTRAK customers who carry firearms on board, basically bringing the rules in line with the airline industry.  The bill Congress passed, mandates that passengers with firearms declare they have weapons with them in advance and stow them in locked boxes while on the train.

The language that referred to putting the guns in locked boxes morphed into requiring the passenger as well as the gun to be placed  into locked boxes.

So, maybe, BO should read what he signs….Naah, that would be to easy.