terrorists
Everything Is Dangerous
Everything Is Dangerous
Words and Music © 2007 by Tom Smith
Released under a Creative Commons Noncommercial ShareAlike License
Your kid can get salmonella from his new pet turtle,
Buckle your seat belt or through the windshield you will hurtle,
You can choke on anything not bigger than your head,
Everything is dangerous, so how come you’re not dead?
You might poke your eye out with any given toy,
You might die from allergies to peanuts, wheat, or soy,
All these deadly circumstances we cannot improve,
Everything is dangerous, so please try not to move.
Terrorists are everywhere, in every school and mall,
And it might be better if you don’t touch cheese at all.
All the other drivers are insane and they’ve got guns,
Don’t pick up hitchhikers, even if they’re dressed as nuns,
Your date has GHB, he hopes tomorrow you’ll forget him,
Everything is dangerous, so go ahead and wet ‘em.
Dihydrogen monoxide will surely spell your doom,
It might just be easier if you don’t leave the room.
Make sure that your sunscreen is at least SPF 30,
Don’t eat food in restaurants, the chef’s hands might be dirty,
Gay men want your body and they can’t control their urges,
Monks have secret messages they’re chanting in their dirges.
Magnetic waves from in your cell phone just might fry your brain,
There’s a flying spaghetti monster in your beef chow mein,
Paris Hilton might explode, I saw it on Fox News,
Everything is dangerous, including Starburst chews.
Keep yourself hydrated or you’ll pass out from the heat,
Watch out for a wormhole openin’ up beneath your feet,
Motorcyclists with tattoos just got out of the joint,
Homeless people have diseases, so don’t stare and point.
From the moment that you’re born until the day you die,
Everything might kill you, and a lot of things will try,
So you’ve got two choices, and they’re easy to compare,
Everything is dangerous, or everything’s just there.
Everything is dangerous, so suck it up, mon frere.
I just knew it… can I say “I told you so…”???
The New Terrorists
“We have met the enemy, and he is us.” Pogo
I am getting ready to take a trip and I will have to fly. It is to far to drive. And the thing that has forcibly stuck home, is that while our troops are fighting terrorism half away around the world, we have a whole new class of terrorist. They are called “Homeland Security”. Our government has become the thing we are supposed to be fighting against.
Don’t wear baggy clothes (cargo pants are comfortable and I’m going to be sitting in a fucking tiny little seat for god knows how long) , can’t have a pocket knife (I’ve carried one since I was old enough to walk and I haven’t stabbed anyone, except myself, yet), My jewelery contains an honest to G-d bullet (what am I going to do with it, throw it at someone?) don’t do this, don’t do that, don’t don’t don’t….
And these incompetent idiots, who can’t even catch a man with a bomb in his underwear, are the ones charged with “keeping us safe”. Only what they mostly do, from my observation, is throw their weight around and bully anyone they think they can. 70+ year old women in wheelchairs and small toddlers seem to be favorite targets.
Pogo was right.
